my personal channel to god

I’m not a believer
at least not the way
most of you would understand
don’t want to be saved
not even blessed
just left alone
like I’ve always been

that’s not to say
I never tried to believe
I spent considerable time
on my knees
the walls of my life stained
with screams and pleading
a few years ago

but there’s this woman
I guess you would call her
my best friend
the only one I’ve met
other than me
that knows what it means
to live in your head

like me she’s climbed all
escher’s staircases
picked her way through the clutter
of dali’s mind
and like me she was burned
beyond recognition
in a hell she did not choose

she’s a convert
and I like the way she
lives it
there are no shoulds
in her religion
just belief
and a god

she found me
not long after
I came crashing through
the coordinates
of your space and time
she cared for me
listened to my sorrow
cried with me
and prayed for this emigrant
chased from another world

she prayed for me
when I needed work
and I found work

she prayed for me
when the landlord
told me how much
he would miss me
the next day bringing
money
unlooked for

she prayed for me
when I needed a future
and dark clouds obscured
my view
the clouds gone
as the day broke

sometimes I think she’s foolish
to spend so much time
on her knees
to believe in
someone
and a heaven
I know isn’t there

but then I get to thinking
how I can’t explain
these
miracles